My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
