White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
