"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
