plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize