So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
