You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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