i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize