I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
