Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
