OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
