party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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