I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
