dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
