Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Randomize
