You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
