Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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