Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
