I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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