can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
