we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize