He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
