I hope mine doesn't look like that
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
