i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
