You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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