He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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