Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
