How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
