I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
