i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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