when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
