im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
