Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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