dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
