he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
