so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
