you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
