That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
