My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
