told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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