Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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