also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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