she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just pee around me
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
