I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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