Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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