I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
then he tried to convert me to islam
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
