I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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