so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
