I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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