You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
