That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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