I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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