a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I need a beard to bite.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
