We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
