i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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