Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
