btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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