: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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