It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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