Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
