Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
