i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!"Ā¯, then passed out on the couch.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
