It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
