First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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