Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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