One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
