So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
