She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
