We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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