we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
