Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
