And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
