I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
