i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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