You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
