I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
