What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
