We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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