i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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