cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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