WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
