Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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