Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
