That's when you crack a 10am beer
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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