The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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