What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
