I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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