Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
