I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize