the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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