The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
