He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
