When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
