so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
