Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize