just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
