I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize