girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
