Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
