Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
