you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
